Have you ever wanted to flirt with a guy, but not do anything physical with him? Would you really just be happy making some awkwardly intense and intimate eye contact with him? From across the room? While you masturbate furiously as you watch hetero porn? Because this is absolutely not gay in any way? Even though you specifically asked for a guy with brown hair and green eyes and fiercely striated delts in the J/O buddy ad you posted on Craigslist?
Look guys. We all know why we spend so much time in the gym. And it’s not to look jacked and shredded so girls will check us out. C’mon. We’re all buddies here. Jerkin’ buddies.
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One time, when I was around 18 or 19, I was visiting some of my extended family. I was more awkward and more mousey than I am now. I was wearing an Old Navy button-up that was two sizes too big for me and a some khakis. I didn’t have a belt that fit at the time, so I used a necktie that I didn’t use and just tied it through the belt loops of the pants to keep them up. I couldn’t be more serious.
My uncles are all normal. They watched football for Thanksgiving and legitimately enjoyed it. I didn’t understand it or like it, but watched any way since there was nothing else to do.
As I’m sitting there, bored out of my mind, wishing I had more batteries for my gameboy so I could play more Pokemon, my aunt asks me if I have a girlfriend.
“No,” I say.
“Do you like anyone?”
“Not right now.”
She scoffed and said, “You don’t like any girls right now? Are you gay?” <– she said this in Korean. So the question she literally asked me was, "Gay-yah?”
Today’s MopeWOD: get asked if you are gay, when you are (at least decidedly) straight. Includes females, shouldn’t be hard if you lift.
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Havent lifted in a globo gym in years. That was back before I knew anything about lifting. Went there with a friend for a free trial thing. Met with one of their reps. Eventually just got a membership to my Uni gym instead. But the rep at the globo gym would call me about twice a month trying to get me to sign up for a full year. Needless to say, he was the only person calling my phone besides my parents.
I remember when I was in college and had just signed up for a new gmail. I developed an addiction to checking my email early on, even though I didn’t have any real correspondence. One day my roommate was looking over my shoulder while I was on my computer and he asked, “Why don’t you turn the email notifications from facebook off?”
I told him, “Because it gives me a reason to check my email,” not realizing how pathetic that sounded before I said it.
When I was finishing high school I used to workout at my house with a decent home gym set up but I thought college was going to be so bad ass. Awesome gym, 100% control of my diet because I don’t have to eat meals with the family (which actually meant I would eat worse, who knew?), etc. Anyways, that is what some would call context. The bank where I deposited my after school job checks had a box for a drawing to win a free month membership at Gold’s. Hot damn! Gold’s is where Arnold trained. I literally stuffed 100 forms in there with my information filled in, because fuck yeah I am a winner. Not a winner because I filled out one form and photocopied it, nope, a winner because i pushed through hand cramping knowing I was a fucking genius. Anyways, of course they called because if you sign up for a 1 year membership you get the first month free. But of course they don’t tell you that over the phone, champ. Congratulations,come on in to collect your prize, winner. I went to the orientation and the whole time felt like this polo’ed douche was laughing at me but I felt too much pride (it wasn’t pride) to leave before he finished his spiel. But I got him, I told him I had to check with my Mom before I could sign any forms.
This story was so fucking good. I read it twice, it was so good. “A winner because I pushed through hand cramping” fuck.
People at my university gym look at me like I’m joking when my response to “how many sets you got left” exceeds 4 or 5.
This one bro actually asked if I was serious when I said 8.
NO BRO. I WAS JUST KIDDING. HERE, TAKE THE RACK. PLEASE.
I was resting before my last set of squats and this really cool guy already wearing his weight belt despite not having done any warm up asks me if I was using the squat rack. I told him I’d be done with my last set in three minutes and he said OK. I finished my final set and began to rack my weights, he stopped me before I stripped it down to 225lbs and said it was fine so I said fuck it and left so he could take his first warm up at 275lbs. Didn’t care, hope he’s still walking.