I like Jerkin Buddies best. The donkey shirt might bring unwanted company. You know someone might read it as a call for help and come over and talk to you about it…then what.
Well if you’re like me, then you’d do what you’ve always done. You’d lie. You’d tell them, “Nah man. It’s just a joke.”
They’d say, “Just a joke, huh?”
“Yeah. A joke.” More to yourself, you’d add, “Everything’s a joke.”
Later, you would rack the bar across your shoulders for the clean. You’d take a breath and drive the bar off your chest. It stalls at your forehead and begins to drift in front of you, but you are committed, you drive into it, get your chest through, you lose neutral spine but you stick with it. But you wobble as you near the top of the press, and then it slips too far forward and it’s gone. You nearly black out and lean over.
“Everything’s a joke,” you mutter.
“What was that?” a passer-by at the gym asks.
“Nothing,” you say, flash your best smile. “Havin’ the time of my life.”
* * *
Today’s MopeWOD: have a negative experience with a stranger at a globo gym. Ask them for a spot, and be forced to invalidate the set because they touch the bar as it goes up. Receive unsolicited advice for squatting too deep, or deadlifting more than 225lbs. If you power clean, have someone walk directly in front of or behind you WHEN THEY KNOW YOU ARE DOING SOMETHING WITH THE BARBELL THAT REQUIRES A LITTLE SPACE. Better yet, have this person get upset with you for performing a power clean so close to them that they feel endangered.
This oughta be good. Cya.
* * *
I fucking hate people that are staring at me doing sets of shit weight that everyone can do. It is when you stack 2 or more plates on your bar you are immediately the center of attention. And I don’t want to be, I hate it because what I do isn’t remotely impressive. I remember there was an inquiry of the gym that had a bunch of questions about how good it was etc. but also one of the question were: “Rate from 1 to 5, I go to the gym because I like how people look at me”. Is this really a consideration of person to go work out? Get fucking attention? Yesterday a guy commented on the weight on the bar and that it was impressive, I probably came over as a douche saying that it wasn’t enough.
I lifted with Josh at a fucking 24 Hour Fitness yesterday and it fucking blew. He said hello to this chick with short hair and tats and I’m pretty sure she hated me. Maybe it was my imagination but I felt like she was giving me funny looks. Haven’t cut my hair in a while, so I probably look like a dickhead. Also wearing a Just Lift t-shirt, which is the name of her powerlifting team in Ft. Lauderdale, and she was definitely thinking, “Do you even lift?”
What really ground my gears though was this fucking dickhead piece of shit who was doing rows in the Smith Machine – strapped – wearing a tapered belt. He thought he was really fucking hard. I just want to say that only one 45lbs was loaded onto the sleeves. That’s honestly all fine. But there was a plyo box next to the Smith Machine and I was gonna use it to sit on while I rested between sets. I asked this guy if he was using it and he DOESN’T ANSWER, OR LOOK AT ME, with his fucking nose in the air, and just gives a single shake of his head. Like I’m fucking inconveniencing him for asking a question. Oh excuse me sir, I apologize for interrupting your Smith Machine rows, that’s truly noble work you’re doing. It definitely warrants the androgel you apply to your testicles on a daily basis and the filthy sense of entitlement you carry with you.
All of the responses I could think of given my general lack of social skills sounded awkward. I started panicking and after five minutes decided not to respond at all.
She won’t know how broken you are if you never open your mouth. Maybe this is the best way.
If I could agree in such a way that didn’t pre-suppose some kind of human connection or shared experience, then I would agree.
loled so hard at this.