beonick writes:
Speaking of reddit….. Lol just think about what a Mopeilitywod.com meet up would look like.
50% of you are misc/4chan/reddit foreveraloners who knowmyfeelsbro.jpg.
The other 50% of you are normal people who think this shit is some kind of a joke, and you keep reading, which makes you a sick, twisted fuck.
We would all get together at Mopeility S&C. All three of us (I’m assuming that only two people would come to the meet up). We would have trouble keeping a conversation going and would not make a lot of eye contact. Curiously, our bonding moments would be with sophomoric jokes about lifting, not the fact that we all identify with what it feels like to be a reject of society. Did you have a rough time in high school? Did you make simple, mutually supportive friendships that you look back on and wonder how profound the companionship was between a small number of people who knew what it was like to be misunderstood and banded together in that unity?
I’d say nervously, “Well, might as well get in a workout together, right guys?”
Terrible would say, “Ha, yeah, my pecs need a good benching.”
Broseph would say, “You should know that EMG studies have been done that show that benching, the way we perform it, actually activates the anterior deltoids more than the pecs.”
So we would all take turns warming up on the bench. The AC would be kept off so we would stay warm between sets, and as we approached our worksets we’d all reach a feverish sweat. The bench would become slick with our oils and perspiration. Our musk would mix in the air.
Unable to mask my admiration, I’d pat Terrible’s pecs affectionately. “Lookin’ pretty swole man. Where’d you get those pecs, Walmart?”
“Oh, these?” Terrible would say, flexing his left and right pectorals in mock Morse code. “Maybe I was born with it. Maybe it was Maybelline.”
Broseph would also begin to caress Terrible’s pecs, with a little more familiarity than I had. “These are pretty nice. So thick and solid.” His hand would run farther down Terrible’s front, over his bulging abdominals, built from years of heavy squatting and deadlifts. Broseph would pull Terrible’s shirt up, and I would not be able to suppress a gasp at admiration at the bulky girth of Terrible’s powerlifter waist. I struggled to stop the thoughts of watching his torso contort as he thrust into a waiting rectum, building in intensity until he reached a fever pitch and –
“I’d show you guys my side chest pose,” Broseph would interrupt my thoughts, “but I haven’t gotten my shipment of nolvadex yet.” He bit his lower lip suggestively. Based on how much he benched, I could only imagine the dosage of test cyp and deca that Broseph was injecting on a weekly basis. His natural t levels must have been decreased to nothing …
I found myself fantasizing about his puffy nipples, swollen and hard, and my tongue lashing over them as Broseph squeezed them. In my fantasies, his gyno is so severe that his pecs would be draining, draining like some kind of testosterone-laden milk into my hungry mouth.
“Hey Brent,” Terrible was panting, having just finished his last workset. “I’m getting thirsty. You wouldn’t happen to have some … protein shakes … around, would you?”
Wet at the tip with anticipation, but still trepidatious about two strange men in my apartment, I took the plunge. “I think I might some waiting in Mopeility S&C’s men’s room. Why don’t you boys cum help me make some?”
And that is why Fagmouth’s work has my blog identified as porn.
* * *
Terrible writes:
It’s going to be really awkward when I buy one of those “the donkey has no friends” shirts and then see you walking around Plano somewhere (not that I really go anywhere but Market Street and Gold’s).
Terrible, I forgot that you were in Plano. You want to hang out sometime? We could meet at Market Street for a pre-workout (or post, I dunno when you go there) meal. I used to like going there, but it’s hard to get a lot of fat from the food court. If you mean you just do your grocery shopping there – go fuck yourself, kid, I’ll stick with Trader Joe’s and my 4.16lbs chuck roast from Tom Thumb for $13.00. What I would used to do sometimes is eat something from Market Street, then boil 3-4 eggs after and eat those, then go train.
silentmachinery writes:
I will buy…EVERY…shirt…
[creepy?]
No, apparently creepy is any situation in which I try to make conversation with people. So let me apologize to everyone for being creepy – I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry that I’m not normal and don’t know how to act like a regular person. I’m sorry that I’d score high on the autism scale, and I’m sorry that I don’t know how to fix it. I’m sorry that I’m more comfortable squatting a set of 5 where I can barely keep my knees out and barely grind through the 5th rep than I am talking to someone my own age. I’m sorry every time I make it through a job interview or can order a pizza without the other person hanging up on me, I’m shocked at my unprecedented level of success. I’m sorry.
Melody writes:
Strong lack of eye contact yesterday and you looked like you were moping hard between sets.
I wanted to die for most of it.
chrise2004 writes:
I wish we didn’t live states away and I’d meet up with you and not make your legs into a pair of personal walking stilts.
lol
Broseph writes:
Tell me about a recent incident in which your jimmies were rustled.
I was doing some patient history with these fucking Korean pieces of shit, and I was speaking to the dad in English, because I was born in America and I speak the fucking language of the country I live in. The mom, as I’m writing my notes down, says to the dad, IN KOREAN, “This guy’s Korean, but why doesn’t he speak it?” and they had a little chuckle between themselves, like it was some kind of fucking joke. OH I’M SORRY I WAS BORN IN BUMFUCK TEXAS AND ONLY HAD CAUCASIAN FRIENDS OR OTHER KOREAN-AMERICAN FRIENDS WHO WEREN’T FLUENT IN KOREAN, I’M SORRY I’M NOT A FUCKING IMMIGRANT AND SHOP AT H-MART EVERY WEEK BECAUSE I THINK SOYBEAN PASTE IS A FUCKING DIETARY NECESSITY, I’M SORRY YOU THINK YOUR SHIT DOESN’T FUCKING STINK BECAUSE YOU SPEAK A LANGUAGE THAT IS ASSOCIATED WITH LAUNDROMATS, DONUT SHOPS, AND MED SCHOOL DROP-OUTS.
Fuck em, they went home and watched VHS recordings of Korean news broadcasts about fan death, fucking Mickey Mouse bullshit if I’ve ever heard it.
Brent this was a good story. I’d come to your meet up but I’m no longer in the area.
All the best.
+1 for the dudes like myself that just enjoy reading Brant’s blog post day in and day out.
You should have asked those Korean dipshitsticks about their “family history of fan death” in Korean!
Hey Brent,
Male
25 yrs old
208 lbs
5’6″
5 RMs are:
Squat: 360 x 5
Press: 160 x 5
Bench: 220 x 5
Deadlift: 390 x 5
Whenever I go to McDonalds to order 3 Big Macs, I usually hold my phone up to my ear and loudly say, “OK, SO WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT…,” accompanied by long pauses, just so the person at the McD drive-thru doesn’t think all three sandwiches are for me.
Will post a form-check later.
If I go to Taco Bell I will generally order a combo plus a couple additional items. I always ask them to put the additional items in a separate bag “if it’s not too much trouble” so it looks like they’re being ordered for someone else. embarrassedbywhatstrangersmightthink.mpeg
Dudes, there was a blog post a few back about fat acceptance forums. Don’t be ashamed. You are only fat because you eat a lot of food and don’t expend enough energy. Both of things are totally your fault but nothing to be embarrassed about. When I stand in line at Larry’s cookies the ladies at the counter don’t even have to ask me what I want, I fucking have a “the usual” at Larry’s cookies.
My cock is still throbbing and hard.
I’m twelve and what is this?
Somehow I knew this morning when I got up I’d be involved in strength training erotica.
Market St. actually has some really top notch sales on meat – just bought 6 lbs. rump roast for 2.67/lb, thick/solid/tight pork chops for 1.97/lb, big packs of sirloin steaks for 2.97/lb…and the list goes on!
Haven’t been to Trader Joe’s yet, it just opened like a week ago? I’d be open to a Mopeility S&C session, especially if you want some tips on how to not be able to bench 225×5.
I’m honored to have been a part of this story.
Although, I’m not a roider, that addition did add a fun twist to the story.
And you should have threatened the Korean familiy a la Patrick Bateman.
Brandt,
I fuckin hate you.
Love,
Fagmouth
Sent from my iPhone.
yo
what the fuck
seriously
the fuck man
i don’t even know
fuck
just
that was almost too detailed to be funny
but it is funny
but it isn’t
just.
fuck.
brent are you gay?
http://comediansincarsgettingcoffee.com/larry-david-larry-eats-a-pancake/really-gay
Obviously he’s not au you guys I mean he posted on the Internet several times about having a gf so obviously not ohmygodretardsposthere
where and why don’t we have any shirts to purchase yet???????????? c’mon Breeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnntttttttttttttttttt!
How about a shirt that says “Get used to disappointment.” on it? huh? anybody?
dear Bront,
last weekend at meet I got out deadlifted by multiple (lighter) women.
became determined to eat moar.
going well.
loljks got effectively diagnosed with IBS today. trouble eating more than a sparrow isn’t going to go away.
last night cute girl from uni I’ve been talking to on FB for weeks, been planning on asking her out… starting asking me for advice on the guy she has a crush on (not me) (has a “beautiful beard”).
read all of shrugthug
fuck, made me feel even worse
should i kill myself
pls respons