^ Pretty sweet. Good composition and soundtrack, compelling subject matter.
^ This is my life. A bright, promising beginning wasted with poor editing and a lackluster finish. Also a metaphor for what it’s like when I have sex (the bright and promising beginning is because of the hint of chemistry initially followed shortly (and I do mean shortly (and “shortly” has soooo many meanings here)) with disappointment.
Like many young awkward men, this ape wasn’t good with females. Like many young awkward men who aren’t good with females, he became aggressive toward them. He flipped out and attacked one of the girls. Not badly — just enough that she needed stitches. We tried putting them together a few more times, but the result was always the same. Eventually, our un-fly friend was deemed too antisocial to ever find love, and we shipped him off to a bachelor’s home for abusive gorillas. It’s the furry equivalent of a frat house, except nobody ever gets laid.
Inb4 “yawn Brent’s lazy and gives us a link dump post, the blog is dead, fuck 70s Big, fuck Justin and his perfect dick, and fuck you.”
Look guys I don’t know what you want. Actually, I DO know what you want, I just don’t have it. This is a parallel situation with all of the girls I have ever liked. Big dick? Interesting personality? A good soul? Someone who can emotionally communicate beyond the 8th grade level?
I went to the store today to buy some chicken thighs for a faggot recipe. First I went to the bank in the store. I was wearing Chris’s Dallas Strength and Conditioning shirt. The teller who was a guy younger than me asked “Dallas Strength and Conditioning huh, are you a trainer?”
“I know me neither,” he says and pretends to flex.
I bought 4lbs of chicken thighs for $6. The helper at the self-check out asked me if I was grilling for a party. I said yes.
I marinated the chicken in coconut oil, balsamic vinegar, brown sugar, salt, pepper, mustard, and minced garlic. It came out pretty good. I ate it with basmati rice. I am bringing the rest to work tomorrow. Someone is going to tell me, “I didn’t know you cooked! Girls love that!”
People at work think I am uber professional and quiet. A few of them have started adding me on facebook. This is my profile pic right now: https://scontent-a-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn2/t1.0-9/76_504108366210_6850_n.jpg
My preworkout was a strawberry tres leches parfait and coffee.
I haven’t been doing heavy pulling exercises like deadlifts, weighted pull ups, rows, snatch or clean pulls, etc. so my grip has gotten weaker. The bar rolls in my hands when I snatch and it is actually a limiting factor currently. I tore 4 calluses today snatching, then 2 more when I started doing some snatch pulls to build my grip. People made fun of me because of all the tape on my hands. In their defense – I did look like a fucking idiot. It wasn’t because of the tape on my hands though.
Target carries VitaFusion gummy vitamins. Of all the supplements that DON’T make a difference, multivitamins for me have made the BIGGEST amount of non-difference, other than turning my pee bright yellow when I took ON’s OptiMan multi. This didn’t stop me from buying them and eating double the recommended daily dosage (no I kid). I liked them so much that I decided to take a page out of Poliquin’s book and super-dosing Vitamin D. Disclaimer: could not care less for most of Poliquin’s recommendations.
Inb4 I develop bone abnormalities from hypervitaminosis A.
So my current stack is basically an excuse to eat candy, which, real talk, legit tastes better than actual candy gummies.
I also have finally got around to getting a hand burr grinder and a Hario V60 to make pourover coffee. The method, though, matters less than the beans, and if I were serious about “good” coffee I’d go to a local roaster and get some light or medium roast African beans. What am I using instead? Currently Starbucks Komodo Dragon blend, the fakest whole bean coffee with supposedly Indonesian origins that more or less tastes like dirt.
Some other dietary modifications: I quit Chipotle, Qdoba’s burrito bowl is superior. I just prefer the ground beef+chicken double meat combo with tomatillo sauce also it’s cheaper.
Found a Korean restaurant 15mins from my apartment that’s open til 2am, Dal Dong Nae. BRB late night galbitang binges.
Ehab Mohammad was featured on AllThingsGym.com a few weeks ago doing a 5 snatch grip deadlift + 5 snatch grip pull from below the knee + 10 snatch grip power shrugs + slow negative back to floor + 1 snatch pull. Looked fun and productive so I did it. Prob gonna use slow eccentrics a bit more for pulls, was a lot of fun.
It is depressing, pathetic, and hilarious that lifting can be such a circular jerk.
Bodybuilding health and fitness routine with 5×10 flat AND incline bench on chest days –> Starting Strength mode where anything more than 3×5 is “too much stimulus” –> Texas Method where 5×5 is a loading phase, then you do a fucking 1×5 on Friday so you don’t “over train” -> 5/3/1 where you do 5, 5, and then a fucking AMRAP on some of the weeks –> fuck lifting and everyone in it, get in blast your shit and have fun because everything goes to shit anyway.
My actual, legitimate progression has been bodybuilding health and fitness 5x10s –> Westside Barbell DE and ME day –> 5×5 every day (this was before StrongLifts existed so FUCK YOU Mehdi, I read an article about Bill Starr’s 5×5 or some bullshit) –> 10×3 –> weightlifting (at Wichita Falls Weightlifting, briefly) –> fake weightlifting (because I did my own shitty programming) –> Starting Strength bullshit with weightlifting –> CrossFit –> THE REAL STARTING STRENGTH which was an utter shit show –> Texas Method with weightlifting –> squat every day with weightlifting –> Texas Method with weightlifting –> 5X10 BODYBUILDING FAGGOT SHIT + weightlifting
Like what was the point of all that if I’m just gonna come back to where I started, PLUS a chastity cage?????? <– weak metaphor for prison
There's a circle of lifting, more miserable and more of a waste of time than the circle of life, and you are Dunning-Kruger for all of it, including now, even though you don't think you are. I know I sure as fuck am.
"Hey Brent why don't you bench"
/pushes glasses up nose "Well my humeral head translates forward in the glenoid fossa because I lack internal rotation and extension especially under load so in addition to using fake soft-tissue faggot bullshit I do ring work for my upper body"
"like ring dips, which technically require more shoulder extension than benching"
"yeah and I still don't have a good support position"
I would like to achieve mini tank mode status this year (<– need to point out how fucking sad it is that my idea of setting a goal is to lower my standards and that I don't even realize I am doing it at that moment) so I will be doing a WHOLE 4-5 SETS for my isolation work, as well as accumulating more volume in general.
I can remember when I told my ex-gf something similar, about two years ago, about wanting to get more jacked – "That ship has sailed," were her accurate, reasoned, and evidence-based words.
And yet there I floundered, day after day, doing drop sets and burn-out sets of push ups after my intensity day bench.
So to answer my own question – no, it won't make a fucking difference if I do A WHOLE 1 OR 2 MORE SETS of LITERAL exercise. But yet I will flounder, day after day, shaking like a leaf in a scrub mode ring support, pretending that the temporary pump means there will be a difference.
A while ago Dave from the gym was trying to convince me to try some other things at the gym – some strongman events (the gym trains a few events every Saturday), MAS wrestling, you know, just having fun in the gym since it’s so obvious that I’m NOT having fun.
I didn’t realize it at the time this was happening, but I was being a real fucking stick in the mud – “Nah. No I’m good. Nah, not my thing. Sounds fun, but I’m all set.”
What – like my training is somehow sooooo important that I can’t cut loose and horse around with a bunch of sweaty, jacked guys? Like it’s soooo important that I “recover” from my shitty workouts that I can’t expend :30 of effort on stones or some kind of carry? It feels stupid saying it out loud. No I don’t want to have fun with the rest of the reindeer because I want to maximize my chances of snatching 65% of the world record. Mmm.
My work is going to do a Tough Mudder in October and they want me to be on the team.
“You’re really in shape, right?” they say, “I mean you work out a lot.”
“Yeah but I don’t run.”
“… you don’t run? So what do you do?”
“I just lift.”
“Does that actually do anything?”
I just don’t want the cardio to hurt my gains, I can see myself failing to explain – except low-level cardio would probably HELP my development at this point. I’m actually in the middle of a work capacity phase with EMOM snatches and c+js and 2-minute rests between 7+ reps in squat. Is this actually helping my work capacity? Probably not. I guess we’ll fucking find out after four weeks when I don’t PR, again.
Just realized that me and Greg Nuckols use the same fucking design for our blogs, fucking great. STAY TUNED FOR ANOTHER COSMETIC CHANGE, FOLKS.
Anyways I can see myself participating in a Tough Mudder, and sucking wind 800m in.
“I thought you were supposed to be in shape,” my coworkers would say.
Then, my ATP/CP reserves long-depleted, it would come to the stuff that I’m supposed to be “good” at, push ups and pull ups – due to my fatigue, I would do like, 3 pull ups, probably lose my grip on the bar because I’ve never adapted to doing anything without chalk (including masturbation), and would DNF that portion of the race. Look man, I dunno how it works, I just know it’d be a fucking shitshow if I did it.
Then my coworkers would realize that this whole facade of “oh Brent just came from the gym, he has special lifting shoes, he wears lifting t-shirts, he travels for ‘meets,’ he must be pretty serious” would just come crumbling apart.
“Are you still lifting?” they would ask weeks later, because they can’t tell.
“You stopped your special diet for lifting?” when I order a sandwich from the Italian place down the street with everyone else. I’ve never had a special diet for lifting, other than being addicted to coffee and now eating Vitamin D gummies – just because the gummies taste good. I will be adding generic multivitamin gummy Vites as well, again, for the sake of eating more candy. The fucking multivitamin gummies are better than the candy gummies.
So I just avoid the whole fiasco by not branching out and doing any fun activities and politely declining, pretending in my head that I come off as the strong, silent type like the Driver, but in reality appearing to most people to be like Milton from Office Space.
The only current variations in training I am considering are slower negatives in the squat and pulls, and working on holding RTO support, RTO negatives, and eventually RTO dips.
Btw, life is a game:
and if you’re reading this, you’re losing.
This Ted talk pretty much sums up why Brent and 99% of all you other losers on this blog are fucked. You don’t have autism, aspergers, clincal depression, social issues, etc. You have a broken brain due to years of internet porn addiction. Skip to the 12 minute mark if you can’t handle watching the whole video. It basically describes every single one of you perfectly in regards to women and life.
Great, so at best I’ll be pumping a few more fat chicks due to my dating habits in the formative years of my life.